Did I leave you behind or was I left behind?

You know honey, I cant stop thinking about all that has ever been said between us-and not said.In your non-verbal specific ways you let out that I went wrong sumwhere.And out of sheer habit I thought maybe I did.Then I thought again, did I realy...So ok I stopped calling you like I used to middle of the day, but what about the 5 zillion times before that when I called nd u were too buisy for just then?Ok so I stopped msging u the way I used to, stopped writing for you,stopped telling you things now.But what about the times when I had wait for days together before I could tell you the stray cat housing our place gave kittens?I know I stopped telling you that I love you but what about the endless moments when I kept waiting for you to tell me that you do nd you merely smiled...?You know I can even go down deep enough where I start expecting nothing from you.But what will I do if you give me less than nothing?Is there even an end or is it 'nother dark-beguiling pitless abyss?And why am I pouring my heart here when I know this is one corner of my world u'll never visit...?Just rare few questions I dont have answers to...